How to unmask a man with no mask
by Crazy Blonde Bitch
Summary: “Superman returns” learns he has a son, and it becomes even harder for him to keep anyone from learning that he is Clark and Clark is Superman. This is a series of ways People *cough*Lois*cough* could learn who he is. *Ch. 3 is up
1. Chapter 1

"Superman returns" learns he has a son, and it becomes even harder for him to keep anyone from learning that he is Clark and Clark is Superman. This is a series of ways People (Lois) could learn who he is.

This is my intro for you. be ready to laugh. my sister and I were watching Superman Returns and we decided that we would "Un-mask" him for all the other characters in the movie...we just couldn't decide on which one we liked the most...so I'm going to put them all on here. I will post the first chapter asap!


	2. beach

This was our first thought…hope you fine it as funny as we did.

The Daily Planet is having an outing for the whole company at the beach. Every one is there. Richard White, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olson, and that one guy. Kent. Lois had brought her kid too. Jason.

At some point Clark said something to make a big beach guy made, and got hit in the face. The argument had caused a gathering of co-workers.

When Clark got hit, he fell, dramatically, into the water as his glasses fell into the sand. When He came back up, his hair was slicked back by the water…with a single curl of hair falling on his forehead.

The man, formerly preoccupied with his hand having been broken, saw Clark come up, and nearly fell to his knees.

"YOU! YOU are Superman?!?!?" Clark looked at himself, and tried to deny it, But Jason had flown up in front of the man until he was eye level.

"Don't ever hit him again!" Jason told the man…all the while, Lois was trying to pull herself together to ask one question.

"I slept with you?!"

Richard was steaming up…but who was he to try and fight the man of steal?

Jimmy had been snapping pictures of the whole event when the man had started to yell.

Perry was trying to pull a headline out of his ass…his head was too confused to produce one.

Lex…who just swum on shore, given that he didn't have any gasoline to fuel his chopper, started to laugh. At the sound of it, Clark stopped denying and started flying. Lex wouldn't get away a third time. Lois passed out, Jason caught her, Lex tried to out run the fastest man on the planet and the word got out that Superman was on the beach.

Tell me what you think, I'll get the next one up soon.


	3. Daddy

this is for Phnx. thanks for the reviews. i like the Ideas I get from you guys.

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"Clark?" Jason asked as he sat with his mother at work.

"Yes, Jason." ...nerd...

"Why do you wear glasses?"

"Because, honey, Clark needs them to see."Lois answered for him.

"Then why doesn't Superman need them?" He directed the question openly, pulling the attention of the nearest reporters. Clark stayed silent.

"Just because Superman doesn't need them doesn't mean no one else does." Richard told him.

"But-"

"Stop being rude, Jason." Lois scolded.

"Oh, It's fine, Lois. He's not being rude." Clark had awakened from his daze.

"We need to go, Jason. You have school." Richard told the little boy.

"Good-bye, Jason. Richard" Clark called to them, already seven feet away.

"Later, Clark." Richard said over his shoulder.

"Bye-bye, Daddy." Jason waved.

Richard stopped. "I'm going with you, Jason. You dont need to say good-bye to me."

"I wasn't. I said bye-bye to my real daddy." Jason pointed. all eyes followed the little boy's finger...to Clark. Richard looked from Clark to Lois in disgust. Lois, on the other hand, looked at Clark as if seeing him for the first time.

She stepped toward him, a foot and a half between them. she reached out for Clark's glasses, but missed her prize as the black frames were pulled away by Clark stepping back. Lois stepped forward and stole the glasses from his face.

The whole room gasped. under his hair, they could see the chisled face and ocean blue eyes of the man of steel. Lois smoothed his hair back to see the love of her life in Human...mortal...weak clothing.

"Superman." she breathed.

"I'm sorry, Lois." His voice was nolonger Clark's, but the strong, protective voice of Superman.

"you?"

"yes"

Richard, who had been standing with clenched fists, now stood in astonishment as all the others. cameras flashed left and right.

"I slept with Clark Kent?" Lois found herself relived and disappointed at the same time.

"Superman, Clark, Kal-el. It doesn't matter what you call me, I'm the same."

"But Clark seemes so...weak. How could you be him?"

Kal-el chuckled. "Lois...Clark is human, what I thought you wanted. the fact about it, Lois, is, I love you, no matter who I am."

There was silence, then every reporter wanted an interview.

Kal-el's eyes never wavered from Lois...

Until Jason flew up. "I knew when I first met Clark. I don't know how no one else could see it." He turned toward his one true father. "Richard is taking me to school now."

"Later Jason." Superman reached up and ruffled his son's hair.

"Can we talk...Later?" Richard asked above the noise.

"Later." Lois told him as Clark tore his buttoned shirt away from his body, grabbed her, and flew out the broken window...

...the one he broke.

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You know what to do, read and review! how do you want to un-mask the man with no mask?


	4. conventional hazard

_**you are invited to the seventh annual superhero conventional meeting.**_

_**casual clothing. **_

_**come as yourself. **_

_**Thursday, march 13,2008. 7pm-12am.**_

Superman looked up at Robin. "What is this?"

"We would have liked to invite you sooner."

"I'd say. This says tonight."

"Well, it's very hard to find you, given that not even the heroes know your true identity."

"'come as yourself.' ? what do you mean by that?"

"We were all born human. we show up in out secret identities. It's comfortable."

"Where?"

"Metropolis town hall." suddenly, Batman called Robin and he sped away without another word.

That night, when Kal-El went to the meeting, he went as his Superman Alter-ego.

"What the hell?" Bruce Wain got in his face. "The invitation said to come As your self." little did any of them know, Lois was hiding very quietly. Mentally taking notes as not to alert the Man of Steel to her presence.

"This is myself." He told Wain in his superman voice.

"We meant your 'human' self."

"But, I'm not human."

"This leads us to the whole point of this meeting." Peter Parker told him as they all sat around a table, leaving the former argument for the moment.

"Why don't you where a mask?" someone shouted.

"I do." He told them.

"When? We've never seen it!" shouted another.

"When I play at being human." Kal-El was chuckling slightly.

"Never have I seen a masked human!" The arguments went on as Lois watched the human heroes try to force her Superman to reveal who he was.

"I am Kal-El." he told them again and again.

"Who are you when you 'play at being human'?" Someone had finally gotten smart.

"I can't tell you that." no one could trick her Superman.

"Why not??" how childish.

"It is not that I do not trust you, but if Lex--or Lois for that matter--ever found out who I play at, I would be as good as dead." Lois nearly burst from the closet she had been hiding in.

"First, we don't know who those people are. Second, the only time we need to know who you are is to send you the invitation once a year." Bruce finally broke the childishness of the meeting.

"I'm sorry." Kal-El stood to leave, when peter shot spider web around him.

"Peter Parker!"

"We tried this the easy way, and he didn't cooperate. now we do it, Us against Him."

"He is Superman, how could you ever hope to hold him?" Then, Peter pulled out a glowing green stone.

Kal-El glared at the little stone. "you would kill me to satisfy your curiosity?" He asked him coolly.

"Tell us who you are and I'll stop." Peter said as he bound him to the wall. When he stepped up close, he realized there was something other than a Kal-El in the costume. With web, he grabbed it.

"Glasses?" Bruce asked.

"Thick glasses with wide rims." Peter answered. "Is this your mask?"

Lois lunged for the Glasses, catching them all by surprise. (all except superman, who heard her tiny gasp when Parker held out the Kryptonite.) In her grab for the glasses, she took the stone as well. now she will know.

She placed the glasses to his face. "Lois, don't do this."

"you look familiar." she said, trying to place him into her normal life, outside of Superman. "I know you."

"Lois, get rid of the stone." He was, in fact, weakening with such close proximity..even dieing.

She touched his face, not hearing his words. She looked into his closing eyes.

"Lois..." his voice as weak...human sounding...

"Clark?" She dropped the stone into the web, forgetting it's effects on him. The other heroes watched as she pulled his hair down. "I slept with Clark Kent?" She was mystified.

"Lois..." he was near darkness. "...Kryptonite..." He was dieing. "...destroy."

Finally, Lois snapped back to understand what he was saying. She looked at her hands, but the stone was gone. Panic struck her as Superman/Kal-El/Clark passed out. "where did it go?" She turned to the others, who had not yet gotten over the shock of her sneaking out on them. She smacked Parker. "This is the father of my son! Where did the poisonous stone go?!" He pointed to Kal-El's chest. The Kryptonite had stuck to the webbing in front of his heart. "NO!!" She Lunged at the stone, grasped it, and started pulling. It wouldn't come loose. "Someone, help me!"

The superhero in them all awoke at her words.

The stone became dust and burned in a vat of oil...

and they lived happily ever after...

until next time.


End file.
